Patty had several aprons. Every waking hour the woman would sport an apron. Patty was a housewife and any time you walked into her house, you would find her in her kitchen. A beautiful kitchen indeed, and it had the aroma of good food always. You could drop in to Patty’s house any time and still expect to be fed. She took delight in feeding anyone who came home. Patty was a great host, someone you could idolize when it comes to hospitality.

Patty had several aprons. In fact she had one for every occasion: funny aprons, vintage aprons, hostess aprons, and holiday aprons. Indeed she was a bit old fashioned; she had a couple of fancy aprons that she only sported on Sundays.

Patty’s aprons were more than just aprons. She used them to wipe the sweat of off her brow, the blood off her kids’ skinned knees, and even to wipe their runny noses. Often she filled the pockets with supplies for cleaning, shooed away flies with it, and sometimes wiped away her own tears when missing her husband, who was called out of the country because he was in the army.

When her friends would ask her why she was never seen without an apron, Patty would tell them, “When I put my apron on, I mean business. My kids and my husband know that I’m busy doing something I love, and which they know they will enjoy in just a few minutes. My family gives me big warm smiles the minute I have my apron on.”

It has been five years now since Patty passed away, and though her children are all grown, they never forgot their mom and her aprons. When Patty died and her husband was going through her things, he recovered over 100 aprons. He couldn’t help but remember all their fond memories together when he saw those aprons. Every apron of Patty’s had a fond story to tell.

When Patty’s husband asked his daughters what they would like from their mom’s stuff, all of them said in unison “aprons.” The girls decided they would each take half of Patty’s apron collection.  Laura wears hers whenever she cooks, and Michelle took hers and made them into a quilt which is on display in her home.  Both of the girls remember their mom with fondness every time they see those old aprons.

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I don’t know about you but I’ve always wondered why chefs needed those really long aprons. I know they are in the kitchen all the time, but aren’t they supposed to be experts? I figured they would know how to be really clean in the kitchen after all that practice. I posed the question to the chef at my favorite French restaurant, and she sure answered my question.

The chef, whose name is Marie-Claire, is simply amazing. She whips up everything from crepes to duck confit in almost no time and every single dish is absolutely delicious. She has even written several French cook books. When I asked her why chefs need aprons, she told me to come back at 3:00 the next day, and she sat with me in the dining room and told me this story.

One day when Marie-Claire was busy in the kitchen, doing her job and wearing her apron as always, she tripped on the floor mat and spilled boiling water all down her legs. Fortunately, she was wearing her heavy chef’s pants, chef’s coat, and apron, but even so her skin started burning. Unable to bear the pain, she stripped off her pants and was standing their her underwear. As luck would have it, in came one of the bus boys dropping off some dirty dishes. He was mortified to see the head chef in her underpants. Chef Marie-Claire quickly grabbed for a couple of aprons she had hanging on the rack. She tied one around the front and one around the back to cover herself.

The restaurant was too busy for her to go home and get a new pair of pants, and it was a few hours before hers dried out. She just wore those two funny aprons tied around her waist while working, and wouldn’t you know it, those bus boys seemed to work really hard that day. They kept coming to the kitchen every five minutes! Marie-Claire is pretty sure that the bus boys were only coming to try and catch a glimpse of her underpants underneath those tied-on aprons. 

So according to my chef friend, aprons are good for protecting you from the blood of the meats and everything that splashes on you while you are cooking. But they are also extremely useful in case of strange emergencies! Marie-Claire suggests keeping at least two aprons handy in your kitchen.

So girls and boys listen up, whether you’re a chef or not, aprons are important. They can save you some very embarrassing moments indeed! Not the most practical item to use a skirt, but it could very well suffice as a bare necessity on that rare occasion.

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I grew up in a home where unlike other homes, the meals were made by my Dad. My mom was a little scatterbrained, and always seemed to get distracted and burn the roast. She mainly stuck with the cleaning while Dad did the cooking. I think the fact that I adored my dad and was always with him, made me love cooking. I would sit for hours and watch him bake a pie or cook a curry. He was good at anything he made. Saturday was my day to learn how to cook with Dad, ever since I was 13. I would plop myself down at the kitchen table and take notes.

The first lesson my Dad ever taught me in cooking was to wear an apron. I wasn’t a great listener and so I didn’t pay heed to his most important instruction. No matter how much he would remind me, I never wore one when he wasn’t looking. One Saturday when I was about 15 years old, I decided to cook my dad a meal. I was baking a cake and like I said, I wasn’t a good listener nor was I good at following the rules. So I followed most of the recipe, but I decided to add in a little extra sugar. I put the cake in the oven, but it wouldn’t rise, so I tried to repair the damage by taking it out and mixing in some more eggs, flour, and cocoa powder. I didn’t even take the batter out of the cake pan, and just stuck the hand mixer right in the shallow pan. The batter sprayed everywhere, and I ended up with a mixture of eggs, flour, and cocoa all over my face, in my hair, and on my clothes. Like most girls, I screamed and burst into tears. My Dad heard me and came running in to the kitchen. He couldn’t help but laugh, since I was quite the sight. Brown faced with icky egg yolk all over me! My Dad made the cake. The next week at cooking class, dad gifted me with a set of four funny aprons, one for each Saturday in the month. 

Now, many moons later, I am a proud mother of three and an owner of a small café here in my hometown. I still have the four aprons my dad gave me. They are worn out and old, and I keep them tucked away in a trunk. Daddy passed away a few weeks ago and it made me long for those old aprons.  I decided I didn’t want to have them tucked away, not anymore. I got all four of them framed, and they are now hanging on my café wall.

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I have often seen many women cook in their kitchens without aprons on, and have wondered how they manage to do it. I am a klutz: a good cook, but a clumsy cook. I cannot possibly go through a day in my kitchen without either splashing water everywhere or spilling something on myself. I ruined many a favorite t-shirt before learning the magic of saving my clothes from cooking mishaps. Actually, I didn’t quite learn my lesson; my mom taught it to me.

A busy mother of four, it seems I never have enough time to cook. When I do get the time, I am usually so rushed that invariably I drop or spill something on my clothes. One day my mom saw me ruining this lovely top she gave me for my birthday, and decided that she needed to do something about it. She brought me two gorgeous aprons, and I have been wearing them ever since. Needless to say, my clothes have a longer shelf life now.

If my aprons could talk, you would be shocked and appalled at what they have been through. I have completely destroyed at least 10 aprons in just the last 3 years. You would actually feel sorry for my aprons, if you spent a day watching me cook. I rely on them so much, since everything from sauces to meat is splattered all over my apron. My clothes, on the other hand, have been incredibly relieved. Happiest of all is my husband, who says he’s saved a fortune ever since my mom brought me those aprons.

My mom’s aprons were the ones that got me hooked, but those two have long since bit the dust. Some of my latest favorites are a couple of funny aprons that are signed by my husband. On one of them he wrote, “I’m all yours, let’s get dirty.” Of course, I have the typical one that says “Don’t mess with the chef,” but my favorite apron of all is the one my husband got for me which reads “If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.” In close competition, though, is the apron my children made for me one Mother’s Day that says “She may not make pizzas or pudding everyday, but our mommy makes the best food ever”.

I have acquired quite a collection of aprons now, and I love to actually wear them inside of ”saving” them in a drawer somewhere. Many times I wear one and think of what the apron has endured over time. Oil spills, curry paste smears, sauces, gravy, and the like. Ask my apron and you’ll know the truth.

Tags: Funny Apron Stories by superdiv
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